The Gentle Revolution

Something to ask yourself: Would you talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself? When they make a mistake, do you say: "You're so stupid. What's wrong with you? Everyone else can do this. You're pathetic."

Of course not. You'd say something like: "Hey, that didn't go as planned. That's frustrating. What can we learn from this? How can I support you?" So why do you think it's okay to talk to yourself with such harshness?

Research shows that 78% of us are more compassionate towards others than we are to ourselves. 78%!

The good news is that self-compassion is a skill we can actually develop and become better at.

✍️ TODAY'S PRACTICE: THE COMPASSIONATE REFRAME (10 minutes)

This practice teaches you to catch harsh self-talk and reframe it with the same kindness you'd offer a friend.

Grab a pen and some paper.

➡️ Step 1: IDENTIFY A RECENT HARSH MOMENT

Think of something you criticised yourself for recently. Write down exactly what you said to yourself. The actual words. Example: "I'm so lazy. I accomplished nothing today. I'm a failure."

➡️ Step 2: NOTICE THE PATTERN

Is this:

All-or-nothing thinking? ("Nothing" - really? Nothing at all?)

Name-calling? (for example, "Lazy," "failure")

Comparison? (Against impossible standards)

Mind-reading? (Assuming what others think)

Catastrophizing? (One bad day = total failure)

➡️ Step 3: THE BEST FRIEND TEST

If your friend came to you with this exact situation, what would you say? Write it down. Be specific. Be kind. Be real. Example: "You had a hard day. You're tired and overwhelmed. Rest isn't lazy, it's necessary. One low-productivity day doesn't define you."

➡️ Step 4: THE REFRAME

Now say to yourself what you'd say to your friend. Out loud if possible. With your hand on your heart or somewhere else where your soothing and supportive touch works best. Feel the difference between: "I'm so lazy" vs. "I'm tired and I need rest" "I'm a failure" vs. "Today was hard, and I'm doing my best"

➡️ Step 5: PRACTICE IN REAL TIME

For the rest of today, catch one harsh thought. Pause. Ask: "What would I say to a friend?" Then say that to yourself instead.

FIERCE SELF-COMPASSIONATE REFRAMING:

It's not just about being nicer to yourself. Sometimes self-compassion needs to be FIERCE like we talked about yesterday.

Examples:

INSTEAD OF: "I should just deal with it, I'm being too sensitive" 👇

FIERCE REFRAME: "This situation isn't okay, and I have the right to protect myself"

INSTEAD OF: "I can't say no, they need me" 👇

FIERCE REFRAME: "I can care about them AND protect my energy. Both matter."

INSTEAD OF: "Maybe I'm overreacting" 👇

FIERCE REFRAME: "My boundaries are valid even if others don't understand them"

INSTEAD OF: "I feel guilty for taking space" 👇

FIERCE REFRAME: "Taking space isn't selfish, it's necessary for my wellbeing"

Notice: Fierce self-compassion has a different energy. It's not soft and soothing. It's strong, clear, and protective. You need both.

✍️ TODAY'S REFLECTION:

💭 What made it hard to speak kindly to yourself?

💭 How did your body feel with harsh words vs. kind words?

💭 What would change if you made this your default? The goal isn't perfection. You'll still have harsh thoughts. But over time, you'll catch them faster and respond with more kindness. That's the practice.

See you tomorrow!

Sini 🧡